Title Gayi Drive Pe

U really don’t need to know a person to know his class, stature, education. Some things are just judged with face value and choices…
Just the way I am judging people in their cars

I would like to categorize them as follows:
# 1
Salaa mei to sahaab ban gaya
These are the people who will be in Honda Citys or Lancers. Wearing Guess sunglasses.
Their car will have a cool stereo system. Catch them talking on the phone while driving..coz breaking the law is ufffff sooooo coooooool
But however on the red light, they will never be on the phone.
The decibel level of their music..namely Saturday Night, Cotton Eye Joe, It’s my life increases.
The guy’s neck starts dancing to the music which is 12 years old and soo passé.Not coz hes enjoying it…its just coz its ENGLISH music.
Kya kare…good taste koi bazaar mei thodi na milta hai . Bhaisaab ki galti nahi hai !

# 2
Dekho Dekho mei kitana Ghati Hoon
These are the people who will be in Indicas, Omnis or Maruti 800s.
Their car will have a darkest tinted glasses. The rear view mirror will have a CD dangling.
The back of the car will have a big sticker which reads something like Gujjar Boy” or “Jat Munda”
The music will be so loud that even the neighboring countries like Nepal and Bangladesh will turn back to take a look at this dude.
The choice of music normally ranges from Altaf Raja or Baba Sehgal to Himesh Reshamiya.
These drivers drive so rashly and love to speed up the car when they r heading towards a puddle.
Their hair is oiled (I dun think they use gel) with their hair pulled back “Guchi” sunglasses are sitting on their eyes 24/7.
Catch them teasing girls walking while they slow down .. “ Eh suveety…want lift ?”
Aaise logon ka koi ijaaj nahi hai

#3
Bade Log, Bade Batein
These are the people who will be driving the Mercs and the BMs
They will be wearing Prada sunglasses, Hugo Boss suits and a Rolex watch.. Uh so neat n propah !
They will be fine drivers and on red lights, CATCH THEM DIGGING THEIR NOSE.
Just one advise for these people “ghar mei swimming pool bana liya…magar kheloge aap wahi gao ke bucchon ki tarah patther wali game”
(For those who cannot understand this one, please don’t even try to, coz I can explain it)

# 4
Old is not Gold
These are the people who will be driving their old Padmini Fiats.
The uncleji will be wearing a safari suit or kurta payjama. The glasses with be thick black frames and their posture will be leaning towards the stearing and their neck will be like an ostrich !
The car speed will be ard 5- 10 kms/ hr and god help u if u’re stuck behind them. U’ll want to leave your car and run home.. thinking u would reach faster.
Uncleji yeh gadi bech ke, kuch aur paise dal kei , ek cycle le lo…bhala hoga

For all these ghastly people on the road … On your mark, get set, go away!

Dharti Pe Bhoj !!

Some Gyani gave me the secret to lose weight, I'd like to share it with all of u if u promise not to pass it on further :
a) Give up good food
b) Exercise
Wow, I could give up my one of my 47 jackets to know this secret and I’m passing it on to u all free mei !!….yeh ehsaan samgajh lena

I just remembered a black and white movie’s dialogue “ zindagi mei kuch pane ke liye kadi mehnat aur lagan chahiye”
Arrey, market mei milti hai kya lagan aur mehnat ? Should I go to a supermarket and say “Bhaiyaji 3 kilo mehnat and 4 kilo lagan pack ker do ....magar thoda discount dena..bulk mei khareed rahe hoon “

So considering I have no mehnat and lagan with me, I am set on a mission to lose weight.
So while I am binging on my cheese burger, pizza with extra cheese and diet coke, I am thinking of losing 5 kgs
My fat friends tell me I look fine but I know that say just so they don’t look any fatter in front of me ..(God bless these green-eyed girls )
So I decided to go on a no cereal diet (bright ideas come with cheese in your stomach ..mark my words) ..so no rice, roti, bread. I thought that this would be easy as I could eat tikkas, stir fried veggies, salads, cheese platter etc
After 10 days, the weighing scale did not show any difference but my jeans were not tight any longer , they were comfortable…so I was happy and had to treat myself.
So that night it was Penne, garlic bread and brownie with icecream ..lovely !!
Next morning those jeans were still comfortable so lunch was mysore plain dosa and dahi vada. ..my jeans were still ok
Obvoisly now its time to send those jeans for washing !!
3 days later, those jeans were tighter…TIGHTER THAN BEFORE ..
So to lose the weight which I had put on, I decided to go on a no cereal diet again …suddenly I realize that chocolate is not cereal, so why not indulge!
5 days later, huh..same story..NO WEIGHT LOSS !!

What does a person like me who is fat, has no mehnat and lagan do to lose weight.
a) I run backwards when I see a gym.
b) I am on a good food diet all the time.
c) I always have diet coke (calorie conscious me )
d) I get high on good food (I get into my true element with good food..its strange but true). So de-stressing means gorging
e) I like venture into any new restaurant in the city .
f) I pray to god every night “Oh god, thank you for this lovely day and the good food. Please bless me so that any food which is calorie’s galore does not react on me and does not form fat lipids.
Please make me the thin without giving up food and without exercise.
Amen …Oh and also world peace”
After my prayer, god has has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer we suffer in soul or we get fat.


I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with fat people.