Saturday, February 23, 2008

Sprite Bujhaiye only Pyass...Baki all Bakwass

Creative directors in the advertising world have to
sacrifice their sleep over cups n cups black coffee,
just to make sure that they are living brand they
r selling !
Wonder what got into the Creative director’s head when
he/she came up with the quote of
‘Sprite Bujhaiye only Pyass...Baki all Bakwass’

Well I happen to justify this quote completely but with
‘SPRITE LITE’ and not ‘SPRITE’ (mere sexy figure ka raaz…
(secret hai..kisi ko bolna nahi)

Recently I bought a chilled can of Sprite Lite , which
was purchased from a local baniya shop in my colony and
was sold to me at MRP.(Years back they had a Rs. 2
charge of selling chilled cans /bottles )

Came back home, poured the yummy drink into a glass full
of ice and I could hear the ice crackle when the drink
was being poured in the glass….aur bhi zyaada chilled !
So thirsty me , wanted to finish the entire glass in
one gulp.
After taste was ‘weird’
Checked the bottom of the can and it was EXPIRED.

Being a girl of principles, I wanted to go back to the
shop and fight for this and my dad was like, relax girl,
don’t worry…hota hai types. Don’t go out,…its cold.
But I stomped out of the house with the can which
had some Sprite left in it (thanks to the glass
full of ice !)

Went to the shop and was like:
Me: Bhaiya , dekho aapne mere ko expired can becha
hai, iske paise wapis kero ya phir doosra can do
Asshole: Aapne isko khola kyon ?
Me: peene ke liye, jab piya to taste kharab tha
Bastard: Itna saara peene ke baad
Me: Kya logic hai…agar kum piya hota to phir baaki
ka bacha hua tum peete kya ?
Kamina: Aaapne check kyoon nahi kiya ikso khareedne
se pehle
Me: Who mera kaam nahi hai…aapka hai, paise wapis
kero ya phir doora can do
Kutta: Dono nahi ho sakata…kyoki can khula hua hai aur
aapne itna saara pi liya hai…aur aapne check nahi kiya
tha date lene se pehle..isi liye aapka galti hai
Me: Theek hai phir !

Friday, January 11, 2008

Tyre Phus !

All of u when in Delhi must have seen boards all across

No Parking In Front of Gate

Tyres Will Be Deflated

Whoever puts that board does not realize that once the tyres are deflated, the car will be parked in front of the gate for a longer time !!

Coz it will take the person an hour to change the god damn tyre !!

Yeh socha nahi kisi ne uncle !!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

It's a Bird's Life

I have a bird my life shall compliment it
My trips to Bangalore have been very frequent in the past few months (I still travel less as compared to kettles !) and it totally sux !
H/e my Decemeber trip being in winters was pretty eventful as our lovely country, airports, planes, pilots cannot handle bad weather.
Given the fact that if u live in NY or London, weather is worse

My December flights started like this
I have put on an Indigo flight at 6:20 am. I expected a day..but it was dot on time !!
Ok..alright but Indigo ?..yeah the ticket is cheap and so is my company.
There is food served., u gotta buy it. But whatever they have to sell is not worth putting in your mouth so forget it, I rather stay hungry than u eat white thick refined flour bread with stinky mayo and rotten cabbage filling.
Also there was no in-flight magazine, as u all know I cant live without reading J
So I decide to sleep and wake up in Bangalore, no so bad but then had to wait for ½ hour @ the conveyer for my baggage.

This was a GGG party in I wanted to fly back for the weekend
So I book my self on Jet Lite @ 1:15 pm
At 12:00 noon I get a sms, that flight is delayed and the time is 2:15 pm
I plan my departure from work accordingly.
When I’m on my way to the airport I get another sms that flight time is now 3:15 pm
So I stopped over for lunch at a small café and then sit back in the car.
Then I get another sms that flight is further delayed and now its at 4:15 pm
After 15 mins, I get a call from the airline , MAM YOUR FLIGHT IS CANCELLED !!
I love the person who called me and wanted to hug and kiss her for giving me the most wonderful news . God Bless her.
I still decide to go to the airport and FIGHT coz I’m good at it and its been a while since I actually whipped someone.
So I reach the airport , get to the counter and I’m told, mam u can go to delhi via Coimbatore and the flight will reach delhi at 7:00 pm.
No choice but to get on the bloody flight.
The flight lands at Coimbatore and we’re told that passengers traveling further to delhi , please be seated.
After 20 mins,all passengers must leave the air craft for another security check before we proceed to delhi.
I think the flight was delayed and they wanted to just kill time or keep us busy…SMART GUYS, I LOVE THEM EVEN MORE.
Ok, after that ordeal I get back on to the delayed flight which is as dirty as it was and land in delhi at @ 8:30 pm…I TRULY RECOMMEND JET LIFE, THEY ROCK
So it was basically rushing home to get ready for the GGG party.

It was a 8:40 pm Kingfisher Flight to Bangalore.
It was at terminal # 1 , I check in and I have time to kill so before security check, I decide to get a pizza from the port longe run by Shreton.
It was a Kulcha with veletable jal frezi spread on it and cheese. Nothing like a pizza by I gulp it down.
I pass thru security check and guess what I see, -Yo china, Baskin Robbins, Café Coffee Day, Mc Donalds.
Cant they put a sign board outside ?
I wanted to ask for a refund for the pizza !

I was booked on 7:20 am flight – JET Airways
I reach the airport @ 6:00 am and at check –in I was told that flight is on time
I stand in the longest line ever for security and one I get thru , I find out that flight is delayed by 1 hr, 20 mins only….muah ! A kiss on the check for these winners.
I thought I would reach home at 11:00 am, rush to the salon, get my dress fitted , go for dance practice, work on the script of the sangeet and then get ready for tonite’s party !
Anyway, I erase all plans from my memory and decide to get a snack.
As I get my snack and am done with 3 bites, there is an announcement, there is a further delay and the flight will ETD @ 9:40 am. Only a 2 hr 20 min delay.
Mere naseeb mei free ka khana hai hi nahi, ab 2 baar thodi na khaoogi !
So for time pass I see decide to look around and here r some of my observations
A 4 yr old boy wearing and ugly green and black sweater, black shorts andn baby blue shoes with pink hearts..mummy nei kya ladki paida ki hai kya
Since so many flights r delayed, there is no place to sit, so the airport is looking like a railway platform with people sitting on the floor
One auntyji wearing lotsa diamonds and carrying a fake dior bag..ab mujhe shak ho raha hai ki diamonds bhi nakli hai
A guy in a pink tee and with his movements, HE IS GAY FOR SURE, hazar rupiye ki shart laga lo
And my laptop battery going…so I shall end right now !!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

.......And Life Goes On

I am writing after such a long time that I didn’t even remember my blogspot address ..and landed up typing psychic correctly.

Time has really been flying since July and if I look back at all the sequence of events, it seems just like yesterday.
I’m so involved my activities that I actually have no time to think and CRIB about the fact that I am actually leading a dorks life.
Since July I haven’t even taken one Saturday off

My current situation is somewhat like this
a) My office is under the sealing threat.
b) We were asked to pack up overnight and I have like 100 files and 10, 000 samples. Obviously I could walk out with all so I just packed my correct files in 2 cartons
c) All teams if the office were sent to different destinations and the terminology was “ people are co-located to factories”
d) I am sitting in a factory right now. I have a small room which is full of files (they could be like 2 years old but whose gonna segregate and clean !?!), right opposite my room is the production floor so the workers can see me and I can see them (God bless !), so I demanded for curtains. U gotta hear what I got…cheap orange and white w/ lurex stripes sheer fabric suspended on a drawstring which is hammered on top of the door (VERY CLASSY !!)
The room has a carpet , which is torn and creased…and I am still looking for place to put my 2 cartons which I carried with me .
e) I went to the factory owner’s cabin to talk about how horrible my place is and came out of his room without a word…HIS ROOM WAS AS BAD AS MY ROOM !! Icing on the cake was that his room has had those jhin-jhack lights around the shelf !!

The only good part about this whole co-location thing is that I am independent and have no boss around me. I reach this place at 10:30 am Vs 8:30 am
I leave this place at 4:00 pm Vs 5:30 pm
I haven’t heard the sound of the alarm since a week now
I eat lavish breakfast and look at the newspaper (I still can “read” the newspaper)
I get time to change my bags and carry a matching bag everyday (there was a time in my life when I would go to office empty handed, my jeans pocket managed to accommodate some money and a cell phone….REASON: I am wearing pink clothes today and my black bag is not matching ! I rather leave the bag at home as I am running late)

Dunno how to end this once…just all I know is that my if actually a BITCH right now
Shopping is stressful (My current state of mind thinks so…don’t hold me for it)

Friday, July 13, 2007

Title Gayi Drive Pe

U really don’t need to know a person to know his class, stature, education. Some things are just judged with face value and choices…
Just the way I am judging people in their cars

I would like to categorize them as follows:
# 1
Salaa mei to sahaab ban gaya

These are the people who will be in Honda Citys or Lancers. Wearing Guess sunglasses.
Their car will have a cool stereo system. Catch them talking on the phone while driving..coz breaking the law is ufffff sooooo coooooool
But however on the red light, they will never be on the phone.
The decibel level of their music..namely Saturday Night, Cotton Eye Joe, It’s my life increases.
The guy’s neck starts dancing to the music which is 12 years old and soo passé.Not coz hes enjoying it…its just coz its ENGLISH music.
Kya kare…good taste koi bazaar mei thodi na milta hai . Bhaisaab ki galti nahi hai !

# 2
Dekho Dekho mei kitana Ghati Hoon

These are the people who will be in Indicas, Omnis or Maruti 800s.
Their car will have a darkest tinted glasses. The rear view mirror will have a CD dangling.
The back of the car will have a big sticker which reads something like Gujjar Boy” or “Jat Munda”
The music will be so loud that even the neighboring countries like Nepal and Bangladesh will turn back to take a look at this dude.
The choice of music normally ranges from Altaf Raja or Baba Sehgal to Himesh Reshamiya.
These drivers drive so rashly and love to speed up the car when they r heading towards a puddle.
Their hair is oiled (I dun think they use gel) with their hair pulled back “Guchi” sunglasses are sitting on their eyes 24/7.
Catch them teasing girls walking while they slow down .. “ Eh suveety…want lift ?”
Aaise logon ka koi ijaaj nahi hai

Bade Log, Bade Batein

These are the people who will be driving the Mercs and the BMs
They will be wearing Prada sunglasses, Hugo Boss suits and a Rolex watch.. Uh so neat n propah !
They will be fine drivers and on red lights, CATCH THEM DIGGING THEIR NOSE.
Just one advise for these people “ghar mei swimming pool bana liya…magar kheloge aap wahi gao ke bucchon ki tarah patther wali game”
(For those who cannot understand this one, please don’t even try to, coz I can explain it)

# 4
Old is not Gold

These are the people who will be driving their old Padmini Fiats.
The uncleji will be wearing a safari suit or kurta payjama. The glasses with be thick black frames and their posture will be leaning towards the stearing and their neck will be like an ostrich !
The car speed will be ard 5- 10 kms/ hr and god help u if u’re stuck behind them. U’ll want to leave your car and run home.. thinking u would reach faster.
Uncleji yeh gadi bech ke, kuch aur paise dal kei , ek cycle le lo…bhala hoga

For all these ghastly people on the road … On your mark, get set, go away!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Dharti Pe Bhoj !!

Some Gyani gave me the secret to lose weight, I'd like to share it with all of u if u promise not to pass it on further :
a) Give up good food
b) Exercise
Wow, I could give up my one of my 47 jackets to know this secret and I’m passing it on to u all free mei !!….yeh ehsaan samgajh lena

I just remembered a black and white movie’s dialogue “ zindagi mei kuch pane ke liye kadi mehnat aur lagan chahiye”
Arrey, market mei milti hai kya lagan aur mehnat ? Should I go to a supermarket and say “Bhaiyaji 3 kilo mehnat and 4 kilo lagan pack ker do ....magar thoda discount dena..bulk mei khareed rahe hoon “

So considering I have no mehnat and lagan with me, I am set on a mission to lose weight.
So while I am binging on my cheese burger, pizza with extra cheese and diet coke, I am thinking of losing 5 kgs
My fat friends tell me I look fine but I know that say just so they don’t look any fatter in front of me ..(God bless these green-eyed girls )
So I decided to go on a no cereal diet (bright ideas come with cheese in your stomach ..mark my words) no rice, roti, bread. I thought that this would be easy as I could eat tikkas, stir fried veggies, salads, cheese platter etc
After 10 days, the weighing scale did not show any difference but my jeans were not tight any longer , they were comfortable…so I was happy and had to treat myself.
So that night it was Penne, garlic bread and brownie with icecream ..lovely !!
Next morning those jeans were still comfortable so lunch was mysore plain dosa and dahi vada. jeans were still ok
Obvoisly now its time to send those jeans for washing !!
3 days later, those jeans were tighter…TIGHTER THAN BEFORE ..
So to lose the weight which I had put on, I decided to go on a no cereal diet again …suddenly I realize that chocolate is not cereal, so why not indulge!
5 days later, huh..same story..NO WEIGHT LOSS !!

What does a person like me who is fat, has no mehnat and lagan do to lose weight.
a) I run backwards when I see a gym.
b) I am on a good food diet all the time.
c) I always have diet coke (calorie conscious me )
d) I get high on good food (I get into my true element with good food..its strange but true). So de-stressing means gorging
e) I like venture into any new restaurant in the city .
f) I pray to god every night “Oh god, thank you for this lovely day and the good food. Please bless me so that any food which is calorie’s galore does not react on me and does not form fat lipids.
Please make me the thin without giving up food and without exercise.
Amen …Oh and also world peace”
After my prayer, god has has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer we suffer in soul or we get fat.

I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with fat people.